Posted on: April 23, 2008
Apology Accepted
Sometimes saying ‘I’m sorry’ without sincerity can make a bad situation worse – here’s how to admit a wrong the right way
By Christina Owens
CTW Features
For philosophers like Socrates and Galileo, the sincerity of an apology meant the difference between life and death. While the modern-day concept of an apology may not hold as much weight, there is still a right way and wrong way to go about it.
In his book, “I Was Wrong: The Meanings of Apologies” (Cambridge University Press, 2008), author and professor Nick Smith illustrates how an apology can be profoundly significant.
“Contested facts often lie at the heart of moral conflicts, and the offender’s explanation of the nature of her wrongdoing can, in certain circumstances, be the most significant and hardest-earned aspect of an apology,” he says.
From politicians and corporations to families and spouses, he argues that apologies have deep moral meanings and social functions increasing the likelihood of confusion, misinterpretation and disingenuousness. Smith, a philosophy professor at the University of New Hampshire, argues that apologies have roots in many cultural and religious practices and can often be tied back to ancient practices. Yet he writes that the ritual itself does not translate well into today’s society.
“The problems of reform and reparation presented numerous points of discussion, as did questions regarding the emotions and intentions of the apologizer,” Smith says. “Collective apologies, such as those from corporations or nations, compound these issues.”
While Smith says there is no exact rule for offering an apology, he recommends honest introspection.
“In general, I find that asking a few simple questions can take us to the heart of the meaning of an apology: Did the offender explain what she did with an appropriate degree of specificity? Does she accept blame? Does she make clear why her actions were wrong and identify the principles she violated? Does she promise not to do it again redress the problem she caused?” he says. “These questions tend to lead to further questions about the meanings of any given apology, but they can provide some insight in most cases.”
