Posted on: March 2, 2007
Beyond Chicken Soup
When a loved one gets word of a serious illness, it takes more than gentle comfort (or food) to guide them through the ordeal
By Darcel Rockett
CTW Features
Going to the doctor to put on that little gown never sounds appealing. But going in to find the root of a nagging problem can go from bad to worse with the diagnosis of a serious illness. Suddenly what you thought would be a lecture on more exercise has morphed into an entity of nightmarish proportions that will affect your quality of life and those around you.
According to Dr. Alan Wolfet, Fort Collins, Colo.-based grief counselor and director of the Center for Loss and Life Transition, when a family member is seriously ill, he or she becomes the focal point for the family and suddenly everyone is concerned about that person and their survival.
“This is normal, yet it places a great physical and emotional burden on everyone involved,” he says.
To counter this burden and still be of aid to the loved one in their time of need, Wolfet provides some coping strategies.
• Upon hearing the news, you and your loved ones may feel shock and numbness. Wolfet says coping with the painful news means taking the new reality in doses, mentally at first, and emotionally as time goes on. Encouraging open and honest communication without forcing it between the ill person, caregivers, family and friends will help in this step.
•Adjust to changing roles that illness makes necessary. “If the head of the household is sick, the other spouse may now have to find a job in addition to caring for the home and children,” Wolfet says.
•Learn about the illness. To be better equipped to help your loved one and family, gain information about the disease itself from educational associations and medical reference books. You might also talk to the loved one’s doctor with their permission. “The knowledge you attain about the illness and treatments will make you a more understanding listener when the sick person wants to talk, and also be able to help the family better understand what is happening,” he says.
•Consider getting outside help. Showing compassion to your loved one may come in the form of reaching out for help on their behalf. If someone in your family is caring for the sick person at home, consider hiring a homecare nurse instead. Have groceries delivered or hire a housekeeper to come in bi-weekly. Family counseling can help the entire family come to terms and deal with communication issues as well.
“Experiencing illness affects a person’s head, heart and spirit, do be aware that they may feel a variety of emotions,” Wolfet says. “Your role as a caring family member should be to listen to the sick person’s thoughts and feelings without trying to change them. Acknowledge the feelings, listen and understand, don’t soothe or deny the feelings.”
